Man trouble

When someone breaks up with you it’s normally because they’ve got tired of you, right? They’ve fallen out of love, stopped finding you attractive, spent enough time around you to finally be acting on that old adage ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. With the husband, I probably reached that point at least three years before I finally left although there was obviously a lot more to it than that and if you’ve read this blog from the very beginning you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

With the boyfriend it’s different. It was a long enough relationship to form a real bond and become emotionally connected – you know that thing where it seems as though you are both thinking the same thing at the same time even when you’re not together physically?

I raise this subject because it has obviously been harder to move on knowing that our love didn’t actually die. What makes it even worse is the fact that, for the second time he has contacted me and told me that he misses the same things as me – each other’s love, care and physical presence. He told me that I ticked all his boxes and even ones he hadn’t put on his list yet. He told me he intended to visit me, giving me a date and time (at his own instigation, not mine – I neither encouraged nor discouraged him). Then the following day he took it back and apologised for contacting me.

I can’t lie, that was hurtful, frustrating and I feel like it has set my path to emotional recovery back again. I think he cut himself off from me for a reason external to who I am or who we were as a couple and whilst he sticks by his reason it makes emotional disconnect that much more difficult for him even though he is the dumper and not the dump-ee. In moments of weakness – maybe a lonely evening after a couple of beers, he finds himself drawn back but unless I have some clear indication that he’s changed his mind about us as a couple I really need him to stop doing that.

So that’s one down.

The husband is still messing about with dates for contact, telling me that he might not be able to have the kids one day this week which has been on his list for the past month. Whatever his reason I told him that for his contact dates, he is responsible for them and if alternative arrangements need to be made – whether that be a babysitter or grandparents or whatever, then that is up to him. He asked if I have plans which I do in this instance – a visit to Oxford to see some of my family who are over from Ireland – then he laughed at the thought of me missing out – that he has the power to send a ripple effect into my efforts at happiness and a social world that doesn’t involve him.

I know it is up to me to manage him and my own expectations and it’s not the end of the world to cancel plans (and I probably won’t have to) but in the heat of the moment, it upset me.

You’re probably thinking that’s it then, but no, just one more man to throw into the mix. My next door neighbour’s lodger has taken a shine to me and begun to message me via Facebook Messenger. I ignored it before but in a moment of weakness I responded in a very non-committal way last night and despite my best efforts to put him off I ended up agreeing to have a chat with him outside the front door after the kids were in bed – all togged up in my pyjamas and a duffel coat.

So here’s the problem – he clearly likes me but he is totally not my type and I have no interest in having a relationship with him of any kind really but he is being super over-familiar – sent a message with kisses before bed and then first thing in the morning (literally 5.50am). So now I feel like I have one more man whose behaviour I need to manage. It’s suddenly all turning into an unrequited love rectangle. Give me strength!

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2 thoughts on “Man trouble

  1. My two cents: The ex-boyfriend is a jerk. He’s jerking you around. Who cares what his issues are or why he’s doing it? Whatever good was there before is being eroded by his actions now. Put yourself first – you don’t this emotional jerking around. As for your ex and his controlling ways with the schedule – I’m sorry, that’s a tough one. I know for me, we have set days in place, but we have the ability to work through any changes that come up. It may not be possible, but when my ex is flakey with timing/scheduling, I make my plans and we stick with them. If it means he misses out, then so be it. It took time but it worked. You should not have to be sitting there at his mercy like that – but I know it’s complicated, so xoxo!! The lodger sounds like stalker material. Doesn’t seem like anything in it for you other than more problems to deal with. Just sayin.’ 🙂 Sorry you’re juggling so many tough situations at once, I know how it feels!! Hang in there, single mother undercover!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess you’re right about the boyfriend – my sister and other friends say the same thing. Scheduling is a nightmare at the moment in particular as the husband is just being reintegrated into work after a month off with depression so I can’t even check his work duties any more and second guess him. I hear what you’re saying about making plans anyway and I am trying to do that but I’m guessing you mean make plans with the kids whereas I’m talking about plans that are just me. I already have my parents booked in for mid-june when I’m off to this night hike in the Lake District – I certainly didn’t want to miss out on that or be hanging on waiting to find out if he’d be available. He can be pretty vindictive. I think I’ve managed to bat off the lodger – told him that due to messy ongoing divorce and recent, painful breakup I just want to be left alone to work all my issues out and he seems to have accepted that fingers crossed! Thanks for the support Xx

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