Its not me, it’s him…

I can hardly understand how its come to this – me sitting here in tears writing this post. I genuinely thought that I had found something – someone – who was right for me, who would love me and support me; who was prepared to take the rough with the smooth and who had my back.

It’s been four months. I have had not a bad word to say about my boyfriend. I thought he was a good person – someone who was very similar to me in temperament and personality and who I enjoyed spending my time with. He made the effort with my kids – he showed patience and sat with my 7 year old, listening to him read his school books and guiding him with his maths homework.

He drove for an hour each way to visit me with or without my kids – he wasn’t someone who made me feel like I had to choose between him or them.

He brought me tea in bed, brought me home cooked food when I had a busy week and we spoke or at the very least texted each other every day for the last four months.

We went away for a romantic weekend last time I was child free – two weeks ago. It was great. His birthday is next weekend and I had planned a lovely day together in London – I’ve bought tickets for the Shard and was going to suggest we combine that with a wander round Borough food market and a lobster dinner somewhere nearby.

I have opened up to him and felt like I could tell him anything. I have felt that he is a genuine, honest and loving person.

I am child free tonight and he was due to come over and spend the evening and night with me. He turned up as planned but I could immediately see that he had bad news.

He broke up with me. Just like that. No notice. Nothing.

Apparently the issues I have with parenting my kids – particularly my 7 year old who does tend to be very defiant and demanding – are just too stressful for him and because of that he simply can’t see our relationship working. He had clearly made his mind up.

He told me he still loves me but I just can’t understand that.

The way that I have immersed myself in this relationship, it just feels like there will now be a massive void. He has been more than a lover – he’s become a best friend and basically the person who held my happiness in his hands and now that’s just vanished into thin air – like all it ever was, was smoke and mirrors.

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4 thoughts on “Its not me, it’s him…

  1. I know this hurts right now… I don’t have children, so this comes from that perspective. If he truly can’t see himself helping you to raise your child, because he has challenges or whatever the reason, then he is truly offering you a blessing. The resentment would only grow, and your son would pick up on the fact that he plays a role, and what an awful thing that would be for your son. I know that doesn’t make it any easier… Hugs…

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    1. There are other things playing into this. He had cancer and went through 6 months of chemo last year and I think he is still feeling like he is on a knife-edge health-wise even though he was given the all clear. He thinks any kind of stress could bring it back and he is just beginning his journey back into full time work again after being signed off for 18 months. It makes sense but I think he has over-thought and projected too far into the future and kind of thrown the baby out with the bathwater as it were. I have asked him to consider living a bit more in the moment and pointed out the fact that we both went through traumatic life events last year which still have after effects. I don’t know what the answer is or if it would be worth exploring taking things further. In the week since I wrote this post I have healed quite a bit and dissected the situation any which way with any number of friends and family members and I have also begun to re-connect with people who had dropped off the radar a bit lately, and started to plan some cool stuff. It still hurts when I try and imagine another relationship and what feels like the hopelessness of my situation and position, but I am the kind of person for whom hope springs eternal so I know I will be alright in the end. Thanks for reading and commenting – I always read every post you write and rooting for you and MS. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am sure – but I have know many men who just seem to have an excuse for everything. Never the right time… Blah, blah, blah… At some point, we just have to recognize that there are always obstacles, there is never a perfect time… And if something is right, we will figure out a way.

        You will be alright in the end. Whatever the outcome.

        Thank you for saying you read all my posts about MS and are rooting for us. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I hope desperately that we will be together.

        Liked by 1 person

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