It’s been a while since I last posted and there’s a reason for that. In the interim I have begun dating a new man. He’s someone I met through an activity/friendship group that I joined a while back but the first evening we spent in each other’s company there was a spark – we both felt it.
Despite the fact that we’ve both been round the block a few times (and he’s seven years older than me with grown children) there is no denying the chemistry between us and I guess things have moved along pretty fast.
I didn’t think I believed in ‘love at first sight’ and to be honest, I still think that’s a myth but I feel like we have learned enough about each other in a short space of time to know that we are both on the same page – that we share values, that neither of us are playing games and that we make each other feel incredible.
If I’m honest I wrote a few draft posts previous to this voicing my insecurities – the obvious ones that we all have in the first throes of a new relationship – does he feel the same way I do? Am I good enough? Are we truly compatible? Can a new love survive this messy stage of my life? But each time my doubts were superseded by a new affirmation.
It’s all too easy to let our fears and insecurities get the better of us though – I have spent time wondering how we can make a relationship work when I have primary care of my 4 and 7 year old and they are only very sporadically away with their father. I have wondered whether my ex will find out that I’m seeing someone new and try to throw a spanner in the works. I have worried over the possibility that my children will get involved with someone they might grow to love too only to be let down.
In the end I have to revert back to the title of this post – it’s time to just live in the moment – not worry about the future; enjoy those euphoric moments together when the rest of the world seems to disappear. Because I can’t control the future or the past – all I can do is keep my children safe and open my heart with all the vulnerability that implies.
If I didn’t do that, I wouldn’t really be living.