Dear Next Door Neighbour,
If you are seriously planning on leaving your girlfriend, please do not do so on my behalf. You may think I am amenable to some kind of relationship with you, but I’m not. If I was a 15 year old girl with no experience of the men of the world then you would probably be in with a good chance of getting me into bed at this point, but believe you me I’ve seen it all, the good the bad and the ugly, and I know whereabouts on the spectrum you fall.
You tell me you know me, but the only things you know are things I’ve volunteered – you’ve never actually asked me about myself – what I enjoy doing, what my hopes and dreams are for the future, what makes me laugh.
Parenting? Unless you have ever had to take full and ongoing responsibility for your child’s well-being you cannot identify and it annoys me that you would suggest otherwise.
We met for the first time just six weeks ago.
I think you are addicted to secrets and lies. Take away that element and I suspect the desire would rapidly wain until the next opportunity showed up and the cycle began again.
I feel that you have detected the vulnerability in me – in my situation, and you want to move in for the kill. But listen, I’m not here for the taking – my children need their mum to be happy, mentally balanced and buoyant and I’ve got evidence – literally right on my doorstep – of the emotional fallout of a relationship with you. Anti-depressants? Panic attacks?
The things you’ve said to me about your girlfriend make my soul ache. Your casual attitude to sex leads me to some disturbing conclusions. The word ‘dysfunctional’ barely scrapes the surface.
Sexual frustration is a small price to pay to protect my heart and keep myself and my children safe.
So please accept my apologies if I’ve sent out mixed signals up to this point. It’s taken me this long to get a grip on what’s really going on here but let me make myself clear – I want no part of it.
Finally, thank you for the kindness and friendliness you have shown me but forgive me if I must question your underlying motives. I hope you can find some peace and happiness in your life one day – without the collateral damage.
Single Mother Undercover 
Bravo! Although I would retract the last paragraph. I don’t think it’s kindness. I think it is simply his manipulation disguised in niceties…
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I have now sent him a *very* pared down version of this (bearing in mind he might continue to be my next door neighbour!) and it’s funny you should mention the word kindness because I actually started the text “Thank you for your kindness and generosity” then later I re-read it and decided to change it to “inclusiveness and generosity” because he has included me and the kids in family outings that he didn’t need to (albeit all as part of his bigger picture obvs but – you know, his money spent). I told him I can never have any kind of relationship with him “for a variety of reasons”. I asked him to stop calling and texting me. I told him not to assume I’d talked to her because I’d reached this decision on my own – I said “I’m an emotionally intelligent adult and I can see what’s going on”. I told him his girlfriend doesn’t deserve the secrets and lies – that I’m sure she loves him. I finished by telling him “be kind”. I sent that an hour and a half ago after him trying to call me (I didn’t answer obviously). He hasn’t replied and he’s not around today now. We all went out to the cinema together this morning to see Secret Life of Pets with his son and another (female) friend of his and her 10 year old daughter. It was fine because we literally just had time to watch the movie then we all had to go our separate ways. I came home and she came home a bit later and we have been co-existing with this wall between us all afternoon. So many times I have battled with whether I should go knock on her door and let her know what’s happened but in the end I decided that the desire to do that might just be me wanting to get it off my chest and it would most definitely ruin her day. I think it’s best that I know what needed to be done is done and hopefully she will begin to see the affects of that and be reassured.
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