So, if you’ve been reading all about my emotional rollercoaster lately, you’ll know just how bad things have been. All sorts of other shit has happened with the husband in the past few weeks and I’ve ended up at my solicitors with her sending out a list of suggested contact dates for him up to Christmas. I don’t think he’s received it yet – he’s been messing around with dates again and even though I was prepared to let him have the children for the entire coming weekend (his birthday) he has turned that down because apparently he is ‘going away’ (with his girlfriend).
Long story short I’ve agreed that he can have them for a couple of hours after school on Friday but I’m pissed off that he continues to be able to pick and choose random week nights when he could be having them at weekends. And he has the gall to tell me that he refuses to provide me with ‘free childcare’.
At work my manager has spoken with me after I arrived in tears on a couple of occasions and he is going to find someone appropriate within our organisation for me to talk to in confidence.
So I’ve got all that going on – what would just add nicely to that mix, a little bit more salt in some raw emotional wounds? Why doesn’t destiny just throw in a potential love triangle with the new next door neighbours? Yes, because that won’t be incredibly frustrating and upsetting at all will it?
Except it is.
Guy next door is obviously a bit of a flirt. Nothing hugely overt but lots of little ‘chats’ outside the front door, has given me money to ‘buy the kids ice creams’ when we went to LEGOLAND; has given me a lift into town for a night out with one of my friends and then come back and brought us home afterwards. Essentially all completely innocent but at the same time over-stepping the mark because he’s told me that his girlfriend is massively paranoid and he’s also told me that he finds me attractive and given me huge hug on a couple of occasions.
They don’t have kids and he seems to only live with her part of the time as he has a house of his own elsewhere. He told me they’ve split up three times over the last three years and got back together again and she has described him as a bit of a ‘tart’.
I’m in a really vulnerable place right now because obviously I am a bit lonely and I’m at a point in my life where I have doubted whether a man would ever find me attractive again so it’s a messy mixture of feeling flattered, tempted, letting him make little innocent gestures to me, text (innocent messages) and phone (innocent conversations), but his girlfriend has caught wind of all this and even though I’ve assured her that there is nothing going on between us I haven’t just shut him down like maybe I should have.
He invited me round for a cup of tea and a biscuit this afternoon between getting home from work and doing the school pick up and I agreed. It was fine – we stood in the kitchen, had tea, chatted about kitchen gadgets, he showed me tickets to a music event that him and his girlfriend are going to soon. I told him about the trouble I’ve been having with the husband and the fact that I really appreciate them being nearby if he turns up and tries to invite himself into my home.
He suggested that I come round and have a cup of tea with his girlfriend when the kids are due home on Friday and that way I can receive them without even having to open my own door. I was happy with that.
We said our goodbyes and I went off to school thinking no more of it until later I got a text message from her saying “Not happy!”. I have replied to her apologising and explaining the innocent nature of things and that I hope things are OK between the two of them. That was nearly three hours ago and she hasn’t responded.
Maybe I’m over-reacting but that has made me feel quite tearful. Maybe it does seem like we are doing stuff together behind her back and it does seem like he is engineering times when he knows I’m around and she isn’t so who knows if there is any real intention there on his part – but the fact is that nothing has happened and I’m being treated like ‘the other woman’ when all I need right now is a friend.
I would back off completely and just blank the both of them but the thing is they have three little dogs and the kids adore them and we’ve been going on a few dog walks with them at the local park. We even went out all together with his 9 year old son from his former marriage at the weekend to this kind of trampoline activity zone place and had McDonalds and walked the dogs after. So this is awkward.
I’m mad at myself but I’m also mad at him for putting me in this position and mad at her for jumping to the worst conclusion and treating me like a naughty schoolgirl. Take a look at yourselves people, and leave me out of it. 😦