So, yesterday something kind of momentous happened. I was just checking my messages when I noticed a DM request had come up from my husband’s ex wife. She was asking me if I could arrange for her daughter to meet up with my sons without their dad having to be present. Apparently my 12 year old step-daughter has decided she wants nothing to do with her dad but she does want a relationship with her half brothers.
I messaged to ask her if she realised that I had left him and moved out of the family home with the boys and she was shocked. Nobody had told her or her daughter despite this all happening four and half months ago.
Now, I have to say, I have had my issues with her over the years – I have only ever had his side of the story and certainly it did used to seem like she was behaving in a selfish way – it was easy for him to spin it like that, although in hindsight it seems really obvious that she was simply protecting the interests of herself and her daughter and pushing for ‘parallel parenting’ rather than co-parenting with him as he is a nightmare to have to deal with.
We’re two quite different kinds of people – I think she was much more assertive than I was and she seems to have really ended up in a great position – she kept their family home, eventually buying him out of the court-ordered arrangement, she doesn’t seem to need to work, found a new partner and received a massive hand-out from her dad to pay my husband off and get him right out of her life. There have been, essentially, plenty of reasons for me to feel either aggravated or jealous of her.
However, once we got talking yesterday I felt a great deal of affinity with her and vice versa. She told me that the abusive experiences I described could have just as easily described her experiences with him. She told me not to be too pessimistic about the future because she’s living proof that it is possible to move on and find happiness.
We’ve put a date in the diary to meet up with all the kids. I’m hoping that this change in all our lives will mean that my step-daughter can finally make peace with my sons and begin to have a functional relationship with them – she certainly seems to want to try.
In other news my husband was an absolute PITA today! He phoned me at work to tell me that he wouldn’t take our son to the childminder because he didn’t want to go. He blamed me for causing insecurity in our children and told me that my behaviour was ‘not normal’.
In attempting to get him to pull his finger out and progress financial matters so that myself and the children can move back to our home town, he suddenly decided to point out that if I have a new relationship it would jeopardise financial arrangements. I pointed out that that would only be the case if I got into a serious relationship and moved in with someone to which he pretended to have an ‘aha!’ moment, suggesting that the real reason I broke up with him was so that I could go out and have lots of casual relationships as I’m now ‘over the hill’! WTF! I would rather have lots of casual relationships and laugh and be free to be myself than be stuck with him, that’s for sure!
So that’s where we’re at. I wanted to put a rocket up his bum to get things moving with the house/mortgage situation and hopefully he got the message. Only time will tell.