My friend over at Misadventuresat30something.wordpress.com will get this. And I apologise for totally nicking your expression but I have just experienced the brick wall.
So I started dating this guy a couple of weeks ago. I got the ball rolling by messaging him on the dating site we’re both on after noticing he’d ‘winked’ at me a couple of weeks before (I know I’m a slow starter – I’d only just decided to pay subscription due to a hot pre-black Friday deal).
Anyway, we met up for a drink in a pub and chatted and seemed to get on OK. I gave him a lift home and we kissed. So far so good. This was a Thursday and he is also a single parent but it was his child free weekend and it was child free for me too so I suggested we meet up for brunch and a walk in the park on the Sunday morning.
That also happened and we spent about three and half hours together, had a pleasant walk in the sunshine and a lovely kiss goodbye in the car park at which point I told him he could ask me out for the next date as I felt like I’d done all the running.
I then proceeded to wait four entire days for any kind of contact from him at which point he texted surprised that I hadn’t contacted him first. I then prompted him to ask me out at which point he said “Oh I forgot I was supposed to be asking” and I had to give him my available dates again. He asked if I’d like to meet for another daytime coffee date and I replied “Yes, that would be nice – when and where? X”. His reply? “I’ve asked you out, do I have to think of where too? x”.
I then suggested a lovely country pub I know for lunch and he didn’t respond for a while so I panicked and said “alternatively can stick to a coffee – just couldn’t think of anywhere except Costa!”
Anyway, the upshot is that we met up for coffee/breakfast in his town again (which is close to mine but just a bit classier) and I got to ask him some things that had been on my mind, like for him to express what he’s really looking for in a woman right now and whether or not he’s dating anyone else. His answers were good enough (he said he wouldn’t have time to date anyone else!) and I went away that day feeling like things were progressing.
We had another date lined up (which I should have been on right now as I write this blog in fact) and we were both about to embark upon full single parental weekend duties so he warned me not to expect any quick replies to texts over the weekend.
In the event I ended up sending him a brief one on the Saturday evening telling him I’d been swimming with the boys and out to see our local football team play a home game and asking what he’d been up to with his children.
He didn’t come back to me until 10.20am on Monday morning and only to say “Hope you had a good weekend. Put tree up yesterday and had manic weekend. x”. Then in the evening (this is yesterday) he texted to say he’d be away in another UK town about a 2 hour drive away during the day today and wasn’t sure until when. He asked when my next free day/night would be and I replied “OK. Saturday night”.
I then asked him to clarify whether tonight would still be a possibility as I really value my child free time when the kids are with their dad and he answered “It is but I really won’t know until tomorrow. So if you want to fill that with something definite I understand. Know the value of that time so would hate you to hang around for me on the off chance and will understand. Xx”.
I left it then until I got home from work today and sent him the following message at 2.15pm “As of right now I am still free tonight so let me know whether you’re going to be around or not. X”. That was six hours ago – it’s now just after 8 at night and he still hasn’t replied.
Frankly I am pretty pissed off and disappointed with his behaviour. OK so he may be the most technophobic (but no, he has an iPhone) or laid back person in the world but leaving someone hanging like this is just rude and disrespectful and lacks any kind of empathy.
My sister says “cut him loose, he’s already altering your sense of self worth” and she’s right. It doesn’t matter what his take on it is – I have a very strong need for an emotional connection with someone and I don’t feel like I know him, trust him, I feel like he’s got a massive barrier up – I feel like he is emotionally unavailable to me and that’s just not good enough. I get the distinct impression that he isn’t really interested in getting to know me – I don’t feel like I can be myself around him and when I start talking about myself I feel like his attention drifts which makes me feel not good enough and I know that’s not true.
Brick wall men. Why is this so common place right now and are there any guys out there who want to connect with a woman on a real, emotional, human level?